How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize