found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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