Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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