why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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