You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
