I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
