This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize