im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
