Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
