So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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