Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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