i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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