don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
