I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Randomize
