I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
