somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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