Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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