The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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