I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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