also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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