You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
