nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
