Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
