well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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