I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
