3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
