Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
