Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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