I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
