FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
