I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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