RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
