he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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