So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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