i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
