i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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