so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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