he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
