belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
