He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
please don't ironically join a cult
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