I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
