Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
