dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
