I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
