im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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