everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
