i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
