you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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