It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
