it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
do nipples grow back?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
