Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
