how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
