He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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