Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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