if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
