I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Two words: blizzard sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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