He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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