I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
