Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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