this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
