Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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