So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
