Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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