It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
