he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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