Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
