You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
