she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
