She is in my trunk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
