YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
