You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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