ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
